Shattered Like Sand
by Selphiebunny
Summary: Vaan figures out Balthier's less than pure intentions, ponders on them, and comes to a conclusion. BalthierxVaan.
1. Desert Dessert

Disclaimer: It shall be disclaimed.  
Warning: More boysecks  
Pairing: BalthierxVaan, implied BalthierxFran  
Summary: Vaan figures out Balthier's less than pure intentions. He's not shocked.

o-o-o

**Shattered Like Sand**

o-o-o

Vaan smiles as he fights, trying to be perfect and graceful, everything he's not. He thinks he can be pure seduction if he tries, thinks he feels those sensual eyes watching his thighs clench, his shoulders roll. His eyelashes singe, his lips crack. Vaan is all too aware of his ability to over analyze.

The desert is warm and drafty, with no cool air, and annoying pumpkin shaped fiends. Everyone is at their nerves end, and right now all Vaan wants to do is collapse.

Instead, he finds his simple solace in the promise drifting in Balthier's eyes.

__

The first chance.

The hopeful darkness is still a few hours away, god, all he wants is something to look forward to. All the fighting, all the fucking _sand_.

It's too much.

There's bright light, and rain drops all of a sudden, and Vaan is on his back, blinking once twice, then thrice. He coughs, jumps up but a soft hand stops him, and he realizes Balthier is leaning over him, shirtless, and he blushes.

The rain was really only the last bits of a potion.

The light is Balthier's amber eyes, as they hold his gaze.

"You passed out."

The heat on Vaan's face intensifies. He looks around with a sigh. A secluded alcove hidden among the rocks.

"The others, are they - "

Balthier's smug smile snakes across his face, morphing his lips into something terrible. Vaan gulps when his sultry voice gets low. "Told them to go on ahead, we'd catch up. You know?" One long finger lifts Vaan's chin, pushing up until their faces are inches, only centimeters apart. "Is that... all right, Vaan?" he practically purrs.

Breath intermingling, hairs withe.

Vaan shudders, draws up. Balthier doesn't waste the invitation, smothers the boy with his mouth. Hands tweaking, tongues as one. The kiss is what Vaan needs, craves.

He's practically in Balthier's lap while their teeth are clashing, rocking. He wonders if Fran has ever had this opportunity, but shakes it out of his head. Fran doesn't seem to care anymore, at least.

Balthier's intentions were never pure, Vaan knows this. He knew the moment he saw Balthier's grin and determined arching brow that the man was anything but truthful. Deceit had etched itself unknowingly into his tight features.

But Vaan had almost enjoyed that, and now as they battle, lips slipping apart by tongues, dueling, owning, Vaan groans and arches, and remembers the way Balthier's hands had held him so securely. The way that smile contained something beyond simple curiosity.

The way Balthier fucked him when they got back to Rabanastre. How he whispered, "you are simply the best I've ever had," in his ear, weaved golden like a perfect lie.

Balthier remains to be the first man he's ever slept with.

And, with Balthier's charm, grace and bed knowledge, he'll probably be the last.

The gunman strikes his target, and Vaan screams.

He shatters away into the sand.

-

TBC?

we'll see if anyone cares first.  
but! i will do a chapter after every area of the game i complete after this stupid desert/tomb.  
i think it's a cool idea. lots of smut. mwhaha.


	2. Shoot Me

Disclaimer: And it shall indeed be disclaimed.  
Warning: Boysecks like woah. **SPOILERRRS **ahoy!  
Pairing: BalthierxVaan, BalthierxFran, BaschxVaan

o-o-o

**Shattered Like Sand  
**_Shoot me shoot me shoot me  
In my smile  
I'm going out of style  
_The Matches

o-o-o

It's like a completely messed up version of Alice in Wonderland.

Through the Giza and Ozmone plains, into the Golmore Jungle, weaving paths in Eruyt Village, traveling the Henne mines, just to end up at Mount Bir - Omisace.

Larsa reminds Vaan of a little brother, and when they get in fights, he is the first one to protect the boy. Going, even as far as to nudge him out of the way, or take his hits. Vaan knows he's being overprotective, but the first few memories of Reks, of being alone without your parents, fending for yourself...

He doesn't want that for Larsa.

-

They are all tired and cold, and definitely in need of a good night's sleep from the snow covered mountain. As Vaan climbs the steps to the Inn, Balthier grabs his hand, a steady mischievous glint behind his eyes. His lips are warm against Vaan's grime covered ear.

"You are indeed tired, my thief?"

Vaan's already weak knees simply can't take the pressure Balthier applies on them, and he falls into the gunman's arms like water released from a vase, without any grace or care.

He can sense Balthier's victorious smile while buried in the crook of his neck.

"I do believe I've got my answer."

"Oh, shut up," Vaan mutters childishly but hey - he's eighteen. He can do what he wants.

Balthier gives him a fond look as they enter a room, discarding him on the bed. "You're awfully witty when you're drained, aren't you?" Vaan arches to wondering finger tips, watching them glide across his flat stomach. His vest is quickly stripped off, Balthier's mouth running along his collarbone freely.

Vaan's desert colored hand reaches up to tug at the lace decorating Balthier's shirt, tugs, and rips. He doesn't miss the miffed groan spilling from Balthier, revels in it.

"You ripped my shirt, you twat."

Balthier retaliates with almost painful nips to the boy's throat, grinding down his pelvis with shear need. The blond's nimble body meets him every strike, simmering.

Finally - _finally­ _there's flesh on flesh. Hot and desperate. Vaan is in a teasing mood, let's his own hips slowly adulate against the other man, driving Balthier completely batshit insane and _knowing_ it.

"Little bitch," Balthier's hisses, croaky and just a little out of control,

and all clothes shed, trousers thrown away. Everything that doesn't matter is wisped away under the bed, and Balthier and Vaan are alone and one.

It's the signal that ends the game, Balthier's perfect teeth attacking dusty nipples, pleased completely with the sounds _he_ makes Vaan conjure up.

The way Vaan's pouty lips form a soft, "ohhhh" as he moves lower, taking in all the different shades of Vaan's beautiful skin, licking the flames that burn the boy's fire. Balthier's more than steady hands caress strong thighs, just a little shaky. He lifts them up, around his waist, not missing Vaan's pleased hitch in breathing.

He wants to steal that breath, and be Vaan's only source of oxygen.

So he does.

It's not a pleasant kiss, no, more like if two blood thirsty lions went at each other's throats, but the room is hot and getting hotter and Vaan's body can't take any more.

He reverses their positions, his legs still firmly wrapped around Balthier, who isn't complaining, and pushing himself down. The skin of his knuckles is a slighter color, though they should be snow, just as cold, considering how painful this is.

"Vaa - an!" Balthier's voice is only ever unsteady during this. He is always cool, in control. Vaan loves to see him undone, ruined. Minutes which are seconds go by, and Vaan rocks a little, testing the waters. They are plenty warm enough.

The gunman's neck is strong and tight, restraining his moans. Vaan's fingers ghost over his lips, slide into his hair, pulling as he bucks and arch's. "Ah... ah... Balthier, I..."

Black is cornering Vaan's vision when something nudges him and he falls, laying on his back staring up into vicious amber eyes, a tongue going to trace his ear lobe with deceiving gentleness. Hot whispers graze his cheek.

_This is the end, boy_.

You learn from the master.

Vaan hisses, and rides this dream out.

-

This isn't a relationship.

They have sex and fight, but apart from that no promises of love or adoration. Balthier flirts with Fran, using kindly words, knowingly as if their game was a few hundred years old. At least.

Vaan aches inside, but it's not from the biting wind or the fact that Larsa is too young to be in the midst of war.

He looks at Larsa through empty eyes, making a secret vow to _never _let this kind of thing - this messed up affair happen to him. It's the least he can do.

Eating Inn food resembles eating anything in Lowtown. It's the best you can get for your gil. And the best is taken loosely.

Basch is staring at him across the hardwood table.

His eyes say, why do you let _him _do this?

But his mouth is working his piece of... something without a thought.

Vaan catches Balthier's gaze and his say, you little fool.

Vaan's heart says, stop.

Just, stop.

o-o-o

Tbc...

So even though I adore BalxVaan, I'm starting to obsess over BalxFran... ehhh. Noo, het! What will I doooo!

Please, indeed forgive me. :33 And Larsa is so cute. I love that Vaan is so brotherly toward him. Mou!

Also I'd like to take this time to say, EFF YOU SQUARE ENIX FOR ALL THE DAMN LEVELING UP. I pretty much waste hours just on that. So in compensation, I get to mess with your characters.

Nyaaa. Plz review. I'm insane.


	3. Over Water

Disclaimer: Working on it...  
Warning: Yaoi, het, violence... etc.  
Pairing: BalthierxVaan, FranxBalthier, BaschxVaan.

o-o-o

**Shattered Like Sand  
**  
_Twist my arm 'cause that's the way  
__you think you're gonna work this whole thing out_  
_You know you own my body  
__But don't think you control my mouth._

o-o-o

The flight to Nalbina is a rocky, new adventure in itself.

Vaan is wiser, though lesser the innocent for it.

Really, he's not that much smarter than he was. At least now, when Balthier's hands push his body up, and onto his own, Vaan knows to suck in a breath and lean into him. Lips against his neck, soft at first, luring. They get rougher, teeth added in that nip at his flesh until he is mewling like a pathetic kitten, arching and moaning.

His legs betrayingly wrap around Balthier's firm back, tightening with every slow thrust of the man's hips, deliberately tantalizing.

Vaan feels just a little drunk, just a little stupid. He's letting this happen again, all too willingly. It's his fault now.

Balthier's hot breath mists over his ear, and Vaan nearly forgets what he's even thinking about. Cold, thin fingers push his vest, grinding him into the paper wall with a vehement hunger he can't place, could never place as Balthier is just one big mystery.

"Oh my, aren't we needy this night?" Balthier practically purrs, over loading his senses, and bringing him back at the same time. Vaan blinks, coughs, and stops.

Shuts down.

Vaan just knows that what happens next is a blur of obscene colors and curses, mostly directed at him, and Balthier is on the dirty floor with blood trickling down his perfectly shaped nose.

Balthier doesn't seem angry at first, just very confused. So Vaan enlightens him.

"I can't _do_ this anymore."

"_What?_" is Balthier's baffled reply.

His handsome face is a mix of blood and now fury, as he dabs his crushed nose with his sleeve meekly. Vaan can already tell the lecture he's going to receive about the shirt. _You know this is my best shirt. A gentleman must look the part, but of course a thief of Rabanastre wouldn't know. Such carelessness, Vaan._

Instead of waiting for an answer, Balthier sighs heavily and picks himself off the floor, glaring at him. "Well, _I_ thought we were having a lovely time."

Vaan starts pacing, suddenly feeling chilled to the bone. He isn't sure about this anymore, even himself. Is he... afraid Balthier will hate him? No, no way. It's just sex, totally just sex. The lies he repeats in his head doesn't make it easier to form into words.

"I can't do this... this _thing _with you anymore... I feel like I'm some puppet on your string, being pulled around to your liking, Balthier."

He can't get through the last syllable without a hitch, dammit.

Before Balthier has time to reply, Vaan is spilling his insides on the table without the carefully placed guards shielding his heart.

"You _use_ me, and yeah, a lot of that is my fault for letting you I know, but still you act like you can just throw me away and I'll come crawling back. And Fran? Why do you have to flirt with her right in front of me! It shouldn't... it shouldn't mean anything to me, but it _does_ and I _hate_ it."

Vaan wants to kill Balthier, because when he is finished his rant, the sky pirate is smirking at him with twinkling eyes. Balthier seems to have found his little speech positively hilarious. And for that Vaan finds rage bubbling under his skin.

"What is so damn funny!" Vaan hisses, too frustrated to register what exactly happens next. Balthier's arms snake around him and for some reason unknown to him he lets them wrap him in a tight, strangely loving embrace.

Hands weave into his messy blond locks, gently massaging him into a drunk state. Balthier is more than capable.

"My thief, you have it completely wrong..."

"Please," Vaan whimpers, nearly whines before stopping himself. He buries his head closer to a place where Balthier's eyes can't see his own. "Please tell me then."

Balthier bites his lip, an action Vaan is unfamiliar with.

"Vaan I...care about you a great deal. I just don't, I _didn't_, think you felt anything. Cheap, though it sounds. Fran and I, we've had that kind of relationship for such a while, I can't remember _not_ making advances on her. But you, darling, you are _everything_ to me."

Vaan shakes his head. Don't let him win. "Balthier, we've been sleeping together since I met you. How could you _not_ think I l - wanted you?"

Vaan doesn't realize where Balthier is leading them until the back of his knees hit the bed and he falls, his hair fanning around him like a bleached halo. Balthier's body is against his, heavy and wanting. Lips on the shell of his ear, a tongue making a path along his jaw, trying to say words that die in the thick silence of the room.

For the first time in a while, Vaan blushes. Balthier's nimble fingers trace his nipples as the man sits up, knees either side of his hips. Vaan arches his chest into the contact, licking his too dry lips. It seems Balthier is admiring him, or sizing him up, either one. Maybe he's thinking, because Vaan can never tell.

Balthier's weight leaves the bed, and he rids himself of his clothing. Vaan's eyes wonder over each and ever curve of Balthier's strong body, watches as the muscles flex, hears all the man's ear rings clicking together. In that moment Vaan knows he can't resist this pirate, and he knows that Balthier has tricked him in the worst way.

Vaan lays perfectly still while hands make themselves busy pushing his legs apart, letting him feel all the sensations of their bodies together, moving. Balthier smiles at him, keenly, and kisses him just as sweetly.

Balthier is an impeccably good liar.

-

Vaan ignores the sky pirate as they trek all the way through the Phon Coast, having been through the Salikawood, and nearly devoured by Bombs. He feels the wind blowing his hair, the beautiful scenery in the distance. It's almost enough to liven his spirits.

Last night was painful and deceiving and wrong, and today Balthier is back to his old ways of pretending Vaan doesn't exist as a real person. Just some object to order around and manipulate. Vaan tries to stop the spark of hatred, but seems to leak out of every pore of his body, fowling his mood.

He squeaks when a large hand lands on his shoulder, squeezing him gently. Vaan almost dares to hope, but shakes his head and conjures up a smile for Basch.

Basch is kind, though battle harden. He treats Vaan like glass simply because of his appearance, Vaan can tell.

"You are fairing well Vaan?"

Vaan just shrugs, eyes drifting to a familiar form.

They both turn to see Balthier speaking to the princess. The boy frowns, but doesn't say anything, and Basch takes the silent invitation, smiling kindly at him.

"It will be better, we reach camp soon."

Vaan suddenly realizes how close they are, Basch's eyes narrowed and trained on his. Vaan nearly takes a step back from the intensity, but another hand on his wrist yanks, and pulls him along. He meets Balthier's stony gaze.

"Come along, Vaan, you wouldn't want to be left behind, would you?."

Vaan kind of would.

He doesn't look back at Basch. When they are out of Basch's ear shot, Balthier hisses, "friendly enough?"

Vaan simply shrugs, hiding the smile in his arm.

He's got something, now.

o-o-o

Tbc...

Ohhhh snap son!

This would have been out sooner, if not for all the... well, I know I've complained enough about it for you to figure it out.


	4. Carpel Tunnel

Disclaimer: Not mine, yo.**  
Warning: **If you don't like Balthier bottoming, don't read the sex. No one should complain. But it's a very different chapter, and no matter how uke Vaan is, he's not going to be it all the time. ALSO I've been trying to keep this spoiler free mostly, but this chapter has a few if you haven't gotten to Draklor, read at own risk. Thank you.

o-o-o

**Shattered Like Sand**

o-o-o

The Draklor Laboratory almost gets them killed.

And in the span of hours everything Balthier's built around himself has fallen into dust.

Balthier has a father, his name is Cid and he's just a little crazy. Vaan really doesn't mind though, at least he _has_ family alive.

It's the first time Vaan really thinks Balthier has any emotion, though.

The man collapses in his arms practically, not sobbing, but sighing dreadfully. Somehow Vaan thinks Balthier would never cry in front of someone. "Too ungentlemanly like, and after all I _am_ the leading man, now," is perfectly what the sky pirate would say if questioned. Vaan takes note of the tense creased between his fine brows.

They are in Balfonheim Port, resting from the fury of fighting that the party is constantly subjected to. A few days here and there won't disrupt the quest, any way.

Balthier's hands are squeezing his sides as they rest together on an Inn bed, breath mingling together. What happened to the plan? Vaan wonders, but then sees the desperation in the other man's eyes, and frowns.

Balthier has been deeply broken.

A hand comes to rest against his cheek, softly stroking the tanned flesh it finds. Balthier's head touches his, creating a quiet little world of their own.

"I need you tonight, my thief. Perhaps I think, more than I have ever."

The eyes looking into his own are sharp and intense, broken and stirring all at the same time.

Quietly, Vaan stutters out, "what... what do you want me to do?"

Almost immediately Balthier has a response sizzling on his tongue. "Take me. My body, my soul. I need an escape... I don't want control this night, boy. This is your chance to see inside me. I... -"

Vaan, to say the least, is flabbergasted.

Everything Balthier has shattered before his very eyes, replaced by this insecure, unknown, frantic thing.

"I don't know how," the blond mutters uncomfortably, almost embarrassed.

A smile slowly warps Balthier's anguished face, transforming it into something bearable. He takes Vaan's smaller hand in his own and pulls their faces together. Vaan automatically parts his lips to Balthier's tongue, moaning as hands weave into his white gold tresses.

Though this time, Balthier moves under him. Vaan blinks, swallows. He can feel the sweat making trails down his flushed skin.

He doesn't admit he's terrified.

Vaan's hands run along each and every rib, mapping out Balthier's body and storing all the different feels in his mind for later. He scoots closer, biting his lip. He doesn't want to confess he's afraid.

Balthier gets annoyed, Vaan can tell from the subtle shake of his head. His suspicions are confirmed when Balthier whispers in a small voice, "well get on with it. We haven't got all day."

At a snail's pace, Vaan takes Balthier's obscenely tight pants, sliding them down to revel inch by inch of the other man. Balthier's skin is between a slight tan, or a creamy white, Vaan can't decide. But it's delicious. He removes the rest of the barriers, and his own skimpy attire. By then though, the confidence he's managed to summon sheds him faster than he can blink. Staring down into Balthier's dancing amber eyes, he gulps, and looks away, incredibly self-conscious.

Two wondering finger's curve around his jaw, prodding into his mouth. He opens, smiling around then while he sucks. After a short time, Balthier must think the digits are sufficiently coated, because he rips them from Vaan's eager lips with a moan. "I'll prepare myself, then. So that leaves _you_ with the important job."

Vaan watches the sky pirate with heavy lids, licking his suddenly too chapped lips. Balthier stretches his body, groaning, those fingers doing interesting little things apparently to make those noises.

When it is all said and finished, Vaan descends and bites every patch of skin he can find, moving his hands to the other man's trim hips, and pushes inside.

It's like nothing he's ever experienced. So different from being taken, he thinks. The tightness is around his cock instead of in his stomach, and hands are clawing his back.

Tears are wetting his shoulder.

-

Balthier grins above him, bouncing Vaan happily on his cock.

With the morning, Balthier's cocky, self assured attitude is back and a last round of sex is just what he thinks he needs.

It's like there was no last night. No changes in either of them. But Vaan can feel it. In his heart of hearts something is different, stirring beneath the surface. Vaan hisses as Balthier hits a sensitive area, arching his back.

"Vaan, Balthier, we need to get going now, okay? You guys?" Penelo's soft, vibrant voice sends chills down Vaan's spine, and it shouldn't. So what if she sees this. So fucking what.

He comes, not moaning, not screaming Balthier's name, just his mouth in a silent 'o'. Balthier rests his head gently in the curve of his neck, sucking on the flesh there tenderly, his hands needing Vaan's thighs.

"Right," Balthier calls, his voice not even shaking. He lifts Vaan, discarding him messily on the bed and begins retrieving his clothes. Vaan lays there, quietly contemplating what's going through his lover's mind.

And secretly already knowing.

-

Vaan is all smiles at breakfast, the whites of his teeth could have been seen a mile away.

Balthier is discretely holding his hand under the table, the palm nice and soft. The heart Vaan thought he didn't have has shown itself in this simple, seemingly routine gesture. No quiet flirting with Fran, no ignoring.

Just Balthier, eyes trained only on him while he sips his tea.

It's enough to bring him to tears. It's all he ever wanted.

Basch's kind, fierce eyes tell him not to trust this, but Vaan thinks he'll decline this warning, too set on the looks that are thrown his way by a sly sky pirate.

Too set on the love in his heart that's blossomed.

o-o-o

TBC...

I kind of hate Penelo... just a little. Yet the LarsaPeneloness is fine in small doses.

Ahh Gabranth is a sexpot. Mmm. Just a fyi. Hee. Also, for all the BaschVaan lovers, I'm not sure how much more theres going to be, honestly. It can't make the plot seem strange, but I'll try to throw in a little bit more for ya.

Review says Al-Cid. Hehhe.


	5. Before Dawn

Disclaimer: Tis disclaimed.  
Warning: Pumpkin torture. Hah, not really.

o-o-o

**Shattered Like Sand  
**Before Dawn**  
**

o-o-o

Vaan narrows his eyes through the mist, glaring intensely at the idiotic pumpkin shaped fiends that decide to viciously wear him down.

"Pests," Balthier hisses, shooting one in the eye with greater satisfaction than necessary. Vaan shrugs, thinking Balthier is too annoying today to help anyone. His gun takes a few seconds too long to fire and the loading is completely useless. A sword is so much more practical or a mace. But no. No. _A gun is the least barbaric_.

The pumpkin fiend Balthier fired at is running around with its eye socket oozes, shrieking in raw pain.

With a clean swipe, its head tumbles away. Basch looks up at them, frown firmly planted on his lips in obvious disapproval. "Balthier," he murmurs offhandedly, "I do hope your mood would improve, you are wasting precious time with such frivolity." His gaze lands on Vaan, though it holds nothing. Vaan nods for Balthier, unsure.

The gunman raises his eyebrows, pursing his lips. "I _see_. Well suppose that if you stop making those love sick faces at the boy, then? Perhaps _that_ could make just a tad of a difference."

Vaan freezes, blinking once and then twice, and yes, Balthier is still sourly snarling at Basch, who seems to have turned to stone.

They are indeed still in the middle of the Feywood.

Ugh.

Something in the corner of Vaan's brain is screaming _run idiot! as fast as those sticks will take you_ but then, there _are_ the monsters. And then there's Balthier uncanny ability to outrun, and tackle him to the ground, during a staring match or not.

"Hey guys, look. This is stupid." Vaan glances at Basch with pleading eyes, hoping it's enough. "C'mon, we've got to get out of here, okay? Is anyone listening to me?"

"I was doing nothing of the sort, _pirate_," Basch spits, coming out of his trance.

Carefully, almost casually, Balthier smiles, tossing his head to the side. "Really, you could have fooled me. It seems like I can never appreciate what rightfully belongs to me without your prying eyes ripping off what little clothes he has on."

Vaan's tongue moves on its own, finally coming out of its own numb state. "Shut up Balthier! I'm not your property!" He snarls, stalking ahead of the two angry men. He isn't a prize. He's a hume. Stupid, _stupid_ Balthier.

To be honest, Vaan never knew this side of Balthier ever existed. The gleam of possessiveness is so new, it's almost frightening. And unlike Balthier. The man is always so...

So...

Fleeting.

But then... he can see it. Having a father neglecting you, not having the love that anyone _normally_ got, it probably did something to the sky pirate. Vaan had Rex, who showered him with affection the best he could before leaving him, and he had, and still has, Penelo who actes like the brave sister he always wanted.

Vaan scowls, resting his aching backside against a tree. It's a little strange not _one_ pumpkin fiend has tried to take him down since his departure from the other two. Not one.

Cue rustling in the bushes. Sighing, Vaan raises his sword slowly. He relaxes the slightest when Fran's tall form enters his vision, Penelo and Ashe following her lead. "Where is Balther?"

"And Basch?" the princess whispers, not so much with concern as suspicion. Vaan hates her, but he tries not to show it.

He doesn't even realize Penelo is tugging on his arm to get his attention. "Vaan, are you all right? Did something happen?"

He shakes his head, conjuring up a small, strained smile. "They just, they were annoying me. So I took off." Before Penelo can properly lecture him, Balthier and Basch stumble into their circle through the thick mist. Balthier is sporting a new bruise on the side of his face, and his shirt is ruffled just slightly. Basch has a sour but not totally unpleasant expression on his rough face, and a split lip, but nothing more. Vaan blanches, glaring at them equally.

But then, when Balthier's dead amber eyes pier into his own, he can't look away, he can't move. He's pinned, trapped, like an animal in a cage with a foot bleeding and aching and it can't go anywhere. He's that animal and Balthier is the trap. Other eyes burn into him, but he simply can't look away.

The trance is broken as Balthier saunters to him, with deliberate slowness, and a smirk to curve his lips. Shaking fingers move along his arm, carefully, and Balthier's voice is _everywhere_.

I love you.

_I love you_.

On his skin, burning the flesh. On his ears, the drums pounding fiercely.

No one speaks, just the distant humming that can't be placed. And Vaan's heart, it rots in his chest until those words open it, and breathe in the oxygen his heart was lacking ever since Rex died.

Vaan looks up into Balthier's smiling face, and his eyes water, his feet hurt, his head aches, but he reaches up and throws his arms around the other man's neck, and cries. He only just cares that everyone is confused and curious.

That's all he's ever wanted to hear, from anyone.

"Why?" Vaan is mumbling, anything that comes to mind. Words that meld into each other, and make as much sense as the last sentence. "Now? What... You - I - "

Hands are massaging his sides, tenderly like he is glass. Like the way Basch touches him. "Basch helped liberate a few things for me. Such a kind fellow," Balthier mocks, but his simmering tone is gone.

"What is the meaning of this!" Ashe's sharp, to-the-point voice booms, loud and tinted with - jealousy? "We're not here to worry about such frivolous things! We are in the middle of a war, if your eyes were closed this whole journey. Now if - "

Her monologue is cut short by Basch's hand on her thin shoulder. "Princess, please. Let us all spare them a moment."

Grudgingly, she nods and stalks ahead, and he follows like the gallant knight he is. Penelo winks at Vaan as she passes, a beautiful smile stretched across her lips. Fran gives Balthier a look, but that is all. Balthier seems to know what it means, because his body relaxes.

"Well, she doesn't hate me, at least."

Vaan laughs, backing away from him. "So you're not joking, you really feel that way?" he teases, enjoying the red hue dusting Balthier's high cheek bones. It's new.

Balthier glares, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. Vaan already knows what he's about to say, but doesn't interject.

"Of _course_ you foolish thing. How could I not? You are everything to me now." His dark eyes soften, and he presses Vaan close to him again. "If anything happens I will surely shatter away into the sand - "

"No!" Vaan hisses, poking Balthier childishly in the chest. "If you start saying things like that, then bad things _will _happen."

"Indeed, I wish I had your optimism. Though I suppose _one_ of us must think rationally." Balthier does not let Vaan's indignant squawk leave his mouth, and their lips are connected, slow and soft and passionate, like always. Balthier has Vaan practically singing before breaking apart.

"We haven't been attacked in forever - "

"Another trifling beast must be afoot. Agreed, lets go." Vaan heart squeezes happy as Balthier takes his hand, and they're off into the mist.

-

Vaan is in awe as they reach Giruvegan.

The place is beautiful. Old and perfectly intact, and so _so _beautiful.

Balthier runs a hand down his back, smirking at him while he passes to catch up with Basch.

Grinning, Vaan races forward with his lover, his white-blond hair fanning out behind him in the breeze.

-

TBC...

I'm not dead. Sorry for the hella long wait, but I haven't had time to really write much on this, though it is my baby. Plot progression! Yay!

Review?


	6. Endless

Disclaimer: I disclaim.  
Warning: Spoilers for The Pharos & EndGame.

**Shattered Like Sand  
**Endless

**

* * *

**

_You're the echoes of my everything,  
You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.  
You're the laziness of afternoon,  
You're the reason why I burst and why I bloom  
You're the leaky sink of sentiment,  
You're the failed attempts I never could forget._

_

* * *

It's slow and soft and careful and nothing Vaan has experienced before. Balthier's touches are sensual without being anything but pure; his lips are worshipping, running over the boy's skin without any kind of hurry. Vaan is caught up in all these new, incredible sensations._

He catches Bathier's eyes, and they are deep, endless. Full of an emotion Vaan has never really seen before, but it's new and exciting and he wants it in his reach every second of every day. It wraps around him like a blanket and it can be nothing else but love.

"Ah!" Vaan hisses as Balthier moves down between his legs, kneeling as if in prayer. Vaan arches his back up when heat engulfs him. Even in the darkness of the room, Vaan can still cleanly make out the sky pirate smirking around him, eyes full of deviance and mischief that should never leave him. He isn't sure what the look truly means until a long finger circle his entrance, caressing in a light touch before plunging in unexpectedly to stroke and manipulate.

This feels so different from all the other times they've had sex. It's so _slow_, and Vaan has the sneaking suspicion Balthier is treating him like something untouchable now, but he doesn't want to ruin the moment. It might never come again.

"Ba-_Balthier_!" he nearly screams, the pleasure is so intense that his quiet whispers of moans escalate to heated gasps and needy yelps, his eyes following Balthier's every motion.

Vaan has learned the ways of seduction, at least with his lover, and sees the shiver course through Balthier's strong body.

And then he comes, all at once, the ministrations to his own body too much for him-the heat consuming.

There is a voice near his ear, he realizes, after he calms down enough for coherent thought, whispering endearments. There are arms holding him securely against a chest.

Vaan smiles softly, closing his eyes, content while Balthier's heart beat lulls him to a peaceful sleep.

In the morning, before their compainions awake, Balthier and Vaan stay close and kiss adoringly, acting much like love struck humes, touching for the first time. Their relationship feels completely reborn to Vaan, and he wishes this feeling could be the only thing he will ever feel again.

He nips playfully at Balthier's nipple ring, biting it and smiling up at the man. Balthier returns his sentiment, tracing Vaan's jawline with one ringed finger, before following with his skillful tongue. They proceed to shut the world out for the next hour or so until they must come back to their journey and put the greater good before their rickety love once again.

The Strahl lands at the Ridorana Cataract without resistance or trouble, but with much relief and suspicion.

As soon as Fran steps foot outside the ship, her nose wrinkles unpleasantly, and there is a subtle tremble coursing through her. "I can sense a sharp Mist at the peak…" she hisses, her voice lost with the wind.

"It's sleeping in there...the Cocoon," Ashe murmurs distantly, frowning.

Reddas lays a comforting hand on her shoulder, offering a small smile of concern and reassurance.

"Princess Ashe, it still seems as if you're undecided. Please try to have a decision made by the time we reach the Cocoon."

At this, Ashe continues forward, her back to the party, her voice soft, but sharp. "And if I choose to take the Nethicite and seek revenge on the Empire?"

Everyone knows Reddas's answer, before it leaves his lips. "You'll regret it."

To break up the uncomfortable, foreboding silence that follows, Balthier turns his eyes to Vaan in a most scandalizing manner, tracing every curve of the boy's lean body. He takes Vaan's hand quickly, squeezing. "In the unlikely case that something should happen to me you'll have to fly the Strahl."

Honestly, it's made to be a joke, but there is a certain seriousness to Balthier's tone, and Vaan flinches, nearly stopping completely in his tracks.

"Unlikely case…like what?"

"Well, there are many things that could happen. I _am_the hero, you know. After this I'll teach you how to fly it." Balthier winks suggestively before letting go of the other's hand, easily catching them up to the rest of the party, who trek carefully in the tower.

* * *

After defeating terrifying monsters crawling around in the darkness, the party decides to rest for a few minutes, exchanging equipment and advice, and healing if necessary. Vaan takes a moment to catch up with Penelo, feeling her eyes on him even if she chooses not to say anything directly.

It's a little awkward at first, as they both blush dramatically. However, she's like his sister, and he her brother, so they quickly spill out a jumble of words. He feels overly relieved that she doesn't mind about Balthier, though at this point there is little he could do to persuade her, and she even goes as far as to voice her affection toward Larsa, though his is younger and shorter, and Vaan likes to think out of her league. He's always felt that Penelo deserved the moon and the stars, even if he wasn't the one to bring them to her.

Vaan is only a little shocked, because he had a strange intuition when he saw them together on the _Dreadnought Leviathan_, all surprised face and red tinted at being seen together. And he is ridiculously happy for her.

Vaan slides down a dirty wall after their juvenile discussion, paying no attention to the dusk and grime. He is too used to it. Penelo smiles warmly at him, but it passes. Her lovely face twists up in worry. "You know… I kind of wonder about Ashe. Do you really think she'd choose revenge? She's lost a lot in the war."

Vaan nods, a few stray pieces of white-blond hair falling into his face. "Yeah, so have we."

"But, dead people's hearts don't move anymore. Whatever happens, whatever you do. You close your eyes and they come to you like a dream. Never changing," Penelo says, uncharacteristically grave.

Reddas overhears and chimes in, "They never change. No matter how much time has gone, if you look back at the past, it all seems so fresh and vivid. That is how the past can strangle a person. Sever the phantom and walk the true path."

* * *

Balthier smiles carefully, swishing his legs back and forth on the dock at Balfonheim. The flowers in his hand flutter with the breeze, and he simply drops them in the vast sea.

Ah Cid.

So crazy, so mad.

And now he's gone, with his god complex and pain and failures.

Arms wrap around his chest from behind disrupting Balthier musings, and lips lay softly against his neck. Balthier's head instantly leans back, his eyes flicking up to meet a deep honey.

"Hello, my love," Balthier whispers, pulling that cherub face to his own. He tries to block the wilting flowers drowning in the ocean, but Vaan's gaze is too keen.

"Were you going to take those to Ridorana Cataract for Cid?" He nearly says _your father_but quickly stops the offending words. Cid was no father to Balthier.

"He doesn't deserve them, I know… but he was such a lonely, pitiful man…"

Cid's words still haunt him; creep into his dreams and his sub-consciousness. _What's wrong with using the gods as a stepping stone? After disappointing me you ran and ran and ran but you couldn't get away._

Balthier's fist clenches tightly, and then uncoils, like the tension in his body. Vaan's delicate touch brings him back, back into the endless love in the boy's eyes.

"Ah, it's in the past. Care to accompany me in a walk?"

Vaan grins, nodding his head and jumping up, extending his hand to Balthier.

Balthier readily accepts.

* * *

Tbc…  
One more chapter, and I'm on a roll. No one even knows haha. I just started replaying XII which I vowed I would never do because it's… annoying. But I find it much easier to get through this time around. And well, my love for Al-Cid doesn't wane. Bwhahaa.  
I feel like I skip gameplot too much in favor of romance… but oh well. If you haven't gotten to Ridorana and have no idea what happens…ask me? Haha. I hate spoiling things.

So I'm thinking the last chapter should be up in another month, no lie.


	7. Thought of You

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, never will.  
Warning: Spoilers for endgame, of course. You shouldn't be reading this if you haven't beaten the game. anyway, I guess. A sadly smutfree chapter. Poo. Someone write more balxvaan smut!

_Shattered Like Sand  
_**Thought of You**

**

* * *

**

_So tell me when you hear my heart stop  
You're the only one who knows_

* * *

Rabanastre is busy as usual with eager citizen's hustling about, grabbing supplies and hurriedly getting back to their homes. There's a nasty sandstorm brewing in the westersands, threatening the city and causing a fierce shutdown of activities and shops alike.

Vaan has been recruited by Penelo in helping with deliveries for Migelo. He scowls, lugging the heavy box to the local item shop, getting practically devoured by frantic people.

"This is ridiculous," he mutters to himself, strategically opening the store's door before quickly slipping inside. The small girl that's working the register has enough time to point to the drop off box and haggardly smile between customers. Vaan nods and runs out, thankful to be finally done for the day. He whistles to himself, hands thrust into his pockets on the way to Lowtown.

He reaches the home he's shared with Penelo since Reks's death, gingerly opening the door and frowning at the fact that it wasn't locked. Penelo can hold her own, sure, but they _do_ have some valuable's from that crazy adventure worth protecting. Specifically, the _Strahl's_ flying documents. If they lost those, they basically lost everything.

"Penelo! I'm done. You wouldn't believe the –"

Vaan stops, voice caught in throat. Sitting in the tiny kitchen drinking tea with his roommate is a man he knows too well.

Brandy colored eyes flick up from the cup, boring into his. There is a grin, just a hint of perfect teeth.

A dead man's smile.

Balthier.

-

It had been two months.

Vaan isn't sure. About anything anymore.

Everyone has separated and returned to their respective homes, and Penelo has remained with him, rather than accepting Larsa's frequent offers of visitation.

He avoids the aerodrome like it's containing a plague of sorts. No one but Penelo understands his fear. She knows what he's lost, and the last remnant is anchored in there, empty and without use and holding memories that bring too much pain to the surface.

He sees shadows in the dark, in the daytime. Always. It's as if _he_ is haunting him, the mist on the back of his neck, the tug on his heels. Vaan is slowly going insane.

-

Five months have trickled by.

No word, no bodies.

Just nothingness.

Somehow Vaan drifts back into normalcy, hunting when he needs spare change and helping out Penelo with the shop. He feels bad, knowing her wants and needs are not being met.

Larsa writes her constantly, and each time Vaan thinks there is more distance pulling them apart. It's empty, their relationship, but she refuses to leave him. Vaan thinks he's a coward, keeping her glued to him because he doesn't want to be alone, and too afraid she will forget him if she did leave.

He tries to block the world out. It doesn't do much good.

The nights are long, and not without their own problems.

Nightmares plague his dreams. Disrupting his sleep and giving him sweats in the middle of the night. His screams wake Penelo frequently, and she consoles him, lets him latch onto her like a sick child.

He doesn't cry.

The tears have abandoned him.

-

By the ninth month, Vaan forgets.

He takes those memories and buries them deep within himself. It's the only thing he can do to return to normal, to live a functional life.

He stops by the Sandsea enough to know there's a brunette with a crooked smile and a nice soft voice. They talk sometimes and sometimes there is only touch. It's enough to get Vaan through the days. The boy is older than he is and thinner, has some odd habits but that's okay.

They fuck in his room in Lowtown, because that's where the boy is from and that's fine with Vaan. He doesn't want anything personal to come out of this. He always makes sure Penelo's at work or out, and it's quick and dirty, and doesn't make Vaan feel any fuller.

Just empty.

Always empty, searching.

The grief still swallows him up and chains around his heart.

He lies awake and touches the only thing besides the airship that's left. Its color has changed, from the purest white to a tint of sandy beige, but the handkerchief is Vaan's favorite possession when he is lone. It resides under his pillow, safely tucked away from the world.

He stops contact with the boy, and busies himself with more hunts, more time outside of the city.

-

It's been a year or so since he's seen those damnable eyes and that mischievous smile and those noisy earrings and that _face_.

And it's almost more than he can bear.

Penelo gets up and slowly approaches, catches his arm and tries to smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

"He got here this morning."

The words are dull and don't register, not when all Vaan can focus on is _it's him it's him it's him._

There is an unmistakable lazy drawl. "What's the matter, Vaan, cat got your tongue?"

Vaan walks, stumbles, stops.

His voice is rusty, throat dry and scratchy like sand is weighting him down.

"You're… you're dead."

"Pleasantly not, thank you."

Then, anger, blindingly so, and all Vaan sees is redredred, and he throws something, anything, and Balthier is quick to dodge, jumping at his waist and dragging him down. Vaan is hissing like a cat and clawing at Balthier's skin, trying to tear it off. Balthier is still strong, still devilish, even for a dead man. He pins Vaan down against the grimy floor, his eyes expressing pain while his face is like stone.

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry! You're _sorry!_" Vaan roars, his hands still beating down on the other man's back, his voice loud and booming and ringing throughout the small home. "I thought you were dead, I waited and waited and you NEVER came back! I thought you loved me, cared, shit something and you're, gods, you're SORRY?"

Penelo gasps softly, trying to stay out of the struggling men's way while watching the even unfold, but they have forgotten she is there anyway. Balthier slowly lowers his head, his lips too close to Vaan's neck to be considered simply a friendly gesture.

"You misunderstand. It was not my intentions to be away from you for so long. You must realize I am a wanted man ,that commandeering an airship is not exactly an easy feet for two people, skypirates or not. And most of all, Vaan, that I unconditionally missed you and did everything in my power to crawl my way back to you." Balthier frowns, narrowing his eyes. "And to think this is the welcoming I receive. I had hoped for a parade or at least you naked in some way, but alas I am abused."

Vaan glares, though it is lessened in effect as his hair falls into his face. "I'm so sorry, your Excellency. Let me get right on that."

"Brat."

There is silence.

And then, all at once, it's like a dam breaking and the water flooding through. Balthier's hand goes through Vaan's white blond hair and Vaan's fingers squeeze the pirate shoulders. Their mouths meet, viciously battling and moving passionately against one another. Hungry and so ready to fulfill.

Penelo backs away, quietly shutting the door and letting the two men reacquaint.

She smiles to herself, intent to find a piece of parchment and a pen.

There is a letter to be written.

-

_You know I haven't slept in weeks  
You're the only thing I see  
I'm a satellite heart  
Lost in the dark  
I'm spun out so far  
You stop I start  
But I'll be true to you_

-

END

Oh man. This is kinda sad. Definitely my favorite fanfic I've written. I like the way it's turned out, even though it took me damn near forever to finish. I kept getting conflicted on a lot of things, such as the ending. I didn't want it to be too sappy, and ignored canon pretty well, but I hope it turned out okay. Thanks for sticking with me!  
song lyrics credited to Lykke Li and Anya Marina.


End file.
